Hi!

Haven't much had time to blog cause I am too busy living now. Hahaha Whatevs, excuses. 

In pursuit of saving what is left of this little, rotting blog I have let me begin with a happy thought: Amber's starting her one week summer classes tomorrow! I couldn't be more excited and nervous at the same time. It's as if I am the one who's going back to school. She's just 2 by the way, turning 3 this June but we could not wait until she's a little older so we decided to send her to school this year. 

Oh. I am so into all these things: planning her baons (have to be creative and healthy of course), organizing her stuff to bring at school and prepping her OOTDs. hahah Arte! Sigh. If only I could do all these everyday when she officially starts schooling this June. I would give up anything just to be the one to bring her to school, prep everything she needs and document every single milestone every single day. But of course I can't give up my work. Reality, people. It's kinda sad but that's life. I just have to make do with what I can at the moment, so I plotted VLs for 2 days just to be a full time mom when Amber starts her Summer classes. :))

Hafta sleep now, though. Early tomorrow! By the way, how do you find Amber's name tag? Hihi.

Will try to update more frequently. :)

XxRaine

One day.

When there is just too much hurt, doubt and questions

When there are a lot of things running inside my head and I honestly couldn't keep up

When everyone else says move on and I just can't seem to take even one step forward

When I need to be strong for her but I cannot even stand up for myself

I do not know how I feel any more, if feeling is still valid. 

Royals by Lorde

I've never seen a diamond in the flesh

I cut my teeth on wedding rings in the movies

And I'm not proud of my address

In the torn up town, no post code envy

But every song's like:

Gold teeth

Grey Goose

Tripping in the bathroom

Bloodstains

Ball gowns

Trashing the hotel room

We don't care, we're driving Cadillacs in our dreams

But everybody's like:

Crystal

Maybach

Diamonds on your timepiece

Jet planes

Islands

Tigers on a gold leash

We don't care, we aren't caught up in your love affair

And we'll never be royals (royals)

It don't run in our blood

That kind of lux just ain't for us, we crave a different kind of buzz

Let me be your ruler (ruler)

You can call me queen bee

And baby I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule

Let me live that fantasy

My friends and I we've cracked the code

We count our dollars on the train to the party

And everyone who knows us knows

That we're fine with this, we didn't come from money

Read more: Lorde - Royals Lyrics | MetroLyrics



Just love, love, looooove this song for some reason I don't even get. 

xx, 
Raine 

#notetoself

There will always be those kind of people who'll eat you up alive if you continue to keep silent and forever try to be kind and meek. As much as you consistently try to hide your disgust and play nice just so you could avoid offending them, it won't work. These people are just plain bitches and assholes and don't in anyway, deserve to be treated like they are to be pleased. You are not ignorant, nor stupid to just nod your head and pretend a smile just to let them know they make any sense. Because most of the time, they don't. So stand your ground, put up that face that knows better and slap them in the face with the truth -- you will not anymore hold back just so they can shine. Compete and win, because you know you can.

xx,

Raine

This is what's up

(1) Attending a kiddie party with Amber picking her own props for the Photobooth (2) Cuties Amber and Colleen (3) random hug I get while posing for a selfie (4) very rare idle moment (5) goofing around with the best friend

(6) DIY/ DIM acid wash shorts (7) late night playtime with someone who doesn't like her picture be taken (8) is it just me? I really like my hair best in the morning when I just woke up (9) found out I have a tiara on my head just when I was about to take a shower --sneaky Amber

Random photo op with the sweetest

Imma beat you stress!

Words

When life is being hard and work has just taken 90% of my time (hate to divide the remaining to travel time to and from work, sleep and family), nothing makes me any happier than seeing my kid forever jolly, healthy and chatty. I swear not a day goes by that I do not miss her. I do fall in love with her every. single. day. and that is not exaggeration. Someday (if not at present) I hope you'll get to understand what I mean. I am beginning to think I am becoming obsessed of her. But then again maybe most moms are with their kids, or firstborns for that matter. 

What hooks me currently is my fondness for talking to Amber and elicit hilarious, but innocent and honest responses. She's so madaldal and it's funny because she's bulol pa syempre, couldn't pronounce some words correctly, though she has a maarte tone (I know what you're thinking) so it gets me every time. I introduce words to her and their meanings as simple and basic as possible but she gives so much emotion on them as she speak them hence the tone. She's quite a character.

At 2 years and 3 months, Amber can already express what she wants verbally. Generally, Amber still speaks in codes, word after word after word. No conjunctions yet but the good thing is it's quite clear what she wants to communicate. And as a mom, that is much of a help. Unlike when a baby cries (their only form of communication) you have no idea why - hurt? hungry? pooped? and a hundred more hunches. Now, she tells me when she's hurt, including where and what I should do (yes, demanding). When she feels itch on a certain part of her body she'll scratch it and say "Mummy, itchy. Creaaaaammm pleasssssse." and she won't stop until you move. When her tooth aches, she says and act it followed by "Clean teeth. Toothbrush." She can already say it as well when she's going to pee or poop but most times she confuses between the two and uhmmm the timing is still poor. Hahaha! 

Another thing that's also nice about her is that she's cooperative when she mispronounce words or choose the wrong term and I correct her. She'll repeat them with me for a few times and then change mood, then no more. I guess kids her age gets tired easily of these sort of lessons so I stop. And then the next thing I hear her say those words after a few days, she's saying (and associating them) correctly. Amazing (and amusing!) right? With that, I always make it habit of making a conversation with her. When I get home everyday I try to engage her to telling me things like what she did the whole day, or what she ate, or what she watched. At first I try to get responses by saying a sample of what she can tell me like, "did you take a nap this afternoon?" or "have you seen Hi-5 this morning?" and then follow it with a "yes?" "no?". She would just echo each of those things the first few days but after some time I am surprised  I no longer have to answer for her as she would happily respond to me on her own. Presently, when I ask her via phone "What are you doing?" she''ll answer me "Watching TV Show." then followed by "bye." hahahah short attention span pa. 

So no matter how repetitive the answers I get, I never get tired because by frequent conversations they learn to talk and communicate. They learn to express their wants, needs and emotions verbally. Not to mention the amusement you get hearing them utter new words you haven't taught them yet. I get so fired up when I hear her say something I once believe is unfamiliar to her. Or when she corrects me! And did I mention she's so creative and patient acting out the meaning of some words we don't understand her say? She'd patiently repeat them to us until we get it right. Or she'll act it out. Hahaha! Once when commercial about the TV premier of The Little Mermaid at Disney Junior keeps on appearing for weeks, I heard her say 'Memeid' to her dad one evening while they are playing. Jay couldn't understand it so Amber keeps on repeating the word. I was already in bed then when I sat up and look at Amber. I saw her sitting on the Edge of the bed as she moves her legs covered of blanket up and down. "Dad it's mermaid!", I told Jay and we both laugh. I find it so entertaining guessing what Amber is saying as much as knowing how she learned them. It's true that kids her age's mind is like a sponge. They absorb what they hear and see and it's quite a challenge for parents to teach them unlearn some of those that are not good or right for them. That is why it is very important that you watch your words (and actions) when you are with them. They learn so fast and it is such a wonderful feeling knowing they get something from what you tell them, show them or make them feel.

All of these are the things that keeps me going no matter how hard it is to get by a work week. When I had a bad day at the office, I know I'll come home to someone who's so eager to see me and who have waited all day for my phone, este for me pala. Hahaha. When I arrived at the door and she sees me, she'll cheerfully offer what she's currently eating, or tell me what's she watching at the moment. It's never a dull moment with her. No matter how tired and hungry I am when I get home, when she says "Mummy let's play tea party. sit," I am obliged. Seeing how she learns day after day never fails to pinch my heart. It's such a wonderful journey to see her fill her mind and heart all of the good things of the world. Amber and I learn together. We bond through play, we learn through play. And there is nothing in this world that could make me any happier than her. :)