I have been recently forming a habit of staring blankly ahead. A stare that later on transcends that of what is in front. The next thing I know I almost get past my drop off point. Or forgot that I still have works to do. Or that my cooking is almost burnt. Most of the time, what makes me snap back to reality is the fact that there is already a puddle of tears brimming in my eyes. Uninvited, threatening to fall anytime. It's just so effin' hard trying to stop that impending sea of emotion crawling to surface. Demanding itself to be felt. I fight back incessantly. Thank gaad I'm still sane to know when it's coming that I immediately shut it off and get back to reality. Then I suddenly can see the tangibles that's in front of me. The wall. Or the window. Or the people around.
No. I refuse to breakdown. I refuse to face it no matter how true it is now.
I called the shots. There's no backing out. No rewinds. No crtl+z.
This is what I want. This is what I need. No matter how hard. No matter how uncertain. No matter how painful. Just forward. No looking back. Stay on track.
Just straight ahead, alone or not, I'll get there.
Xx
