This is what's up

(1) Attending a kiddie party with Amber picking her own props for the Photobooth (2) Cuties Amber and Colleen (3) random hug I get while posing for a selfie (4) very rare idle moment (5) goofing around with the best friend

(6) DIY/ DIM acid wash shorts (7) late night playtime with someone who doesn't like her picture be taken (8) is it just me? I really like my hair best in the morning when I just woke up (9) found out I have a tiara on my head just when I was about to take a shower --sneaky Amber

Random photo op with the sweetest

Imma beat you stress!

Words

When life is being hard and work has just taken 90% of my time (hate to divide the remaining to travel time to and from work, sleep and family), nothing makes me any happier than seeing my kid forever jolly, healthy and chatty. I swear not a day goes by that I do not miss her. I do fall in love with her every. single. day. and that is not exaggeration. Someday (if not at present) I hope you'll get to understand what I mean. I am beginning to think I am becoming obsessed of her. But then again maybe most moms are with their kids, or firstborns for that matter. 

What hooks me currently is my fondness for talking to Amber and elicit hilarious, but innocent and honest responses. She's so madaldal and it's funny because she's bulol pa syempre, couldn't pronounce some words correctly, though she has a maarte tone (I know what you're thinking) so it gets me every time. I introduce words to her and their meanings as simple and basic as possible but she gives so much emotion on them as she speak them hence the tone. She's quite a character.

At 2 years and 3 months, Amber can already express what she wants verbally. Generally, Amber still speaks in codes, word after word after word. No conjunctions yet but the good thing is it's quite clear what she wants to communicate. And as a mom, that is much of a help. Unlike when a baby cries (their only form of communication) you have no idea why - hurt? hungry? pooped? and a hundred more hunches. Now, she tells me when she's hurt, including where and what I should do (yes, demanding). When she feels itch on a certain part of her body she'll scratch it and say "Mummy, itchy. Creaaaaammm pleasssssse." and she won't stop until you move. When her tooth aches, she says and act it followed by "Clean teeth. Toothbrush." She can already say it as well when she's going to pee or poop but most times she confuses between the two and uhmmm the timing is still poor. Hahaha! 

Another thing that's also nice about her is that she's cooperative when she mispronounce words or choose the wrong term and I correct her. She'll repeat them with me for a few times and then change mood, then no more. I guess kids her age gets tired easily of these sort of lessons so I stop. And then the next thing I hear her say those words after a few days, she's saying (and associating them) correctly. Amazing (and amusing!) right? With that, I always make it habit of making a conversation with her. When I get home everyday I try to engage her to telling me things like what she did the whole day, or what she ate, or what she watched. At first I try to get responses by saying a sample of what she can tell me like, "did you take a nap this afternoon?" or "have you seen Hi-5 this morning?" and then follow it with a "yes?" "no?". She would just echo each of those things the first few days but after some time I am surprised  I no longer have to answer for her as she would happily respond to me on her own. Presently, when I ask her via phone "What are you doing?" she''ll answer me "Watching TV Show." then followed by "bye." hahahah short attention span pa. 

So no matter how repetitive the answers I get, I never get tired because by frequent conversations they learn to talk and communicate. They learn to express their wants, needs and emotions verbally. Not to mention the amusement you get hearing them utter new words you haven't taught them yet. I get so fired up when I hear her say something I once believe is unfamiliar to her. Or when she corrects me! And did I mention she's so creative and patient acting out the meaning of some words we don't understand her say? She'd patiently repeat them to us until we get it right. Or she'll act it out. Hahaha! Once when commercial about the TV premier of The Little Mermaid at Disney Junior keeps on appearing for weeks, I heard her say 'Memeid' to her dad one evening while they are playing. Jay couldn't understand it so Amber keeps on repeating the word. I was already in bed then when I sat up and look at Amber. I saw her sitting on the Edge of the bed as she moves her legs covered of blanket up and down. "Dad it's mermaid!", I told Jay and we both laugh. I find it so entertaining guessing what Amber is saying as much as knowing how she learned them. It's true that kids her age's mind is like a sponge. They absorb what they hear and see and it's quite a challenge for parents to teach them unlearn some of those that are not good or right for them. That is why it is very important that you watch your words (and actions) when you are with them. They learn so fast and it is such a wonderful feeling knowing they get something from what you tell them, show them or make them feel.

All of these are the things that keeps me going no matter how hard it is to get by a work week. When I had a bad day at the office, I know I'll come home to someone who's so eager to see me and who have waited all day for my phone, este for me pala. Hahaha. When I arrived at the door and she sees me, she'll cheerfully offer what she's currently eating, or tell me what's she watching at the moment. It's never a dull moment with her. No matter how tired and hungry I am when I get home, when she says "Mummy let's play tea party. sit," I am obliged. Seeing how she learns day after day never fails to pinch my heart. It's such a wonderful journey to see her fill her mind and heart all of the good things of the world. Amber and I learn together. We bond through play, we learn through play. And there is nothing in this world that could make me any happier than her. :)

Changes

Yaay! I'm back! Work was being impossible on me for the past couple of months to the point that I'd rather spend my free time with my family. So, blog I'm so sorry for neglecting you lately. It's just that I have been busy with life as usual. But hey, I'm back and that's good right? :)

Don't worry, nothing much has changed, except for a few but significant insights brought about the recent turn of events:

1. Change in priorities.

When I had Amber, I told myself nothing has to change in me much - interests, hobbies and lifestyle. I promise myself not to take things too seriously because I am young and what happened to me does not have a right to take away all that's happy about me. So I spend on things that are superficial. But now I guess reality is being a bitch to me and slapped me in the face telling me to grow up. I guess it worked cause I am beginning to realize the importance of spending for things that really matter - the future. So no more unplanned travels this year I guess. No more sidetrips to the mall cause I still cannot trust myself not to be impulsive. No more sudden pigouts. This is hard but I am most happy to try. Afterall, saving for the future is much, much apealing to me now.

2. Family.

I may have wronged them and scarred them big time in the past but they would always have my back. I make bad choices and my head is just damn hard but they accept me anyway. There are times when I just couldn't stand them, how it seems to me like they are controlling my life and deciding everything for myself. But these are just the things that sets me straight. I just realized that no matter how many days come and make me feel like I don't wanna be in their shadows any more, I would always be part of their lives. And when mine gets twisted and dirty, they are the ones who would no doubt pick me up and take away what hurts in their own little ways.

3. Amber.

You have no idea how each day I grow more and more in love with her. I just couldn't get enough of her, could kiss her all day everyday and still crave for more. It's just amazing, and overwhelming and unbelievable how you could feel such love for another person. It's seriously crazy. She makes me do things no one ever does. She makes me sing! and dance! and make silly faces and go around the house running or playing hide and seek. Or be pulled down to the floor and pretend drinking tea or eating cake. Cheezuz, it's crazy. Guess you would never really appreciate kids (well for me who utterly dislikes them back then) when you already have one. And the one that stands out of these, is the thought of wanting to give her all of the best in the world. That's enough to keep me moving forward, brush off a bad day in the office or a bad argument with his dad(yeah I just really need to include that lol), or the occasional visit of self pity. She's my world. I could regret a lot of things in my life but not having her.

4. Blog.

Sum up all three above and that's just about what you'll have to be expecting here from now on. More serious stuff to share - about me on being a mom (a working one) and still a 20 something girl who'd rather watch the world from the side.


Xx

Blank

I have been recently forming a habit of staring blankly ahead. A stare that later on transcends that of what is in front. The next thing I know I almost get past my drop off point. Or forgot that I still have works to do. Or that my cooking is almost burnt. Most of the time, what makes me snap back to reality is the fact that there is already a puddle of tears brimming in my eyes. Uninvited, threatening to fall anytime. It's just so effin' hard trying to stop that impending sea of emotion crawling to surface. Demanding itself to be felt. I fight back incessantly. Thank gaad I'm still sane to know when it's coming that I immediately shut it off and get back to reality. Then I suddenly can see the tangibles that's in front of me. The wall. Or the window. Or the people around. 

No. I refuse to breakdown. I refuse to face it no matter how true it is now. 

I called the shots. There's no backing out. No rewinds. No crtl+z. 

This is what I want. This is what I need. No matter how hard. No matter how uncertain. No matter how painful. Just forward. No looking back. Stay on track. 

Just straight ahead, alone or not, I'll get there. 

Xx

A feeling of stationary lingers.
Immobile. Helpless. Where to?
Do we even look at the same direction?
Do we even have the same dream to begin with?

Pop me the question and I wouldn't even know the answer. 

March 2013

Some random snapshot on my phone from the past weeks of hiatus from this blog.

Bagasbas Beach * chill * clears sky * Amber loving the waves  * sand * clouds * polaroid * sunnies * smiles * pool * Codie * frienemies * Amber getting the hang of writing * Goofing around in bed with Amber love * 51 years of family tradition * wacky * Leggo * rainbow

Fridate with Jay * Trying out Yakimix * walkathon at BGC 

Saturdate OOTD

Sorry I just had to include this cause I am so in love with how my hair looks like now. Hooray for volume and end curl!

Until the next. Bisou xx

Horizon

Sea breeze against my skin.  Soothing feel of the sands under my feet. Salt water that never fails to pacify the endless thoughts yelling inside my head. It's as if I can't hide from the stoking call of the ocean. This ultimately fires up the wanderlust in me, fueling my drive to travel and see the world reflecting from its clear waters. Seeing the breathtaking spread of the sky on its reflection in the stretch of glistening seawater in the shore, these shots brings about countless beautiful memories, both happy and sad. There's just something about this sight that brings me to my melancholic senses. Looking far into that thin line, occasionally graced by mountains, houses or waves, otherwise known as horizon, stirs me away from reality. It's a dreamily kind of feeling that I am seemingly being taken away from the noise of the present. 

A date between the sky and the sea. 

Calming and Cathartic. 

*These photos were taken 3 years ago at Bagasbas Beach, Camarines Norte. I happened to come across them whilst organizing files in my laptop

Photos by Mark Basinang