AMBER BRIELLE

Here's to us.

To what we've done:

Stayed together.

Supported each other. 

Been happy.

Made something of ourselves. 

Grew up. 

Changed. 

Defied the odds. 

These are the words written on the cover of the card Jay gave me a few months ago and I thought it perfectly sums up how my/our 2011 had been. I would like to think that 2011 is not my year, that it had been so mean to me all the while. But I realized that only the immature and unlearned me would say that. This year is not like any other years that passed. It changed me. A lot. 

In a span of 365 days I lost half of my life. I aged a decade and maybe I missed everything in between. I would be hypocrite if I say I do not regret anything because there are times when I really do. And it feels awful. I feel sick regretting things because that means I'd rather not have who I have now. In all honesty,  I am glad I was strong enough to get through those challenging times and experience what a bliss I feel now. I'm still young, I can still regain what I think I have lost in between my frozen months. Life is hard, but I was never alone. I have my friends. I have my family. I have Jay. As they say, God will never give you something you can't handle. So saying that this year is not my year, I cringe. Because I think it is. I grew up. I defied the odds. I made something of myself. I changed. Emotionally, physically, spiritually and socially. I matured a thousand times from the irresponsible, goal-less, selfish person that I was. For everything that had happened, I was grateful to know and experience better. 

This is a year full of opportunities. Opportunity to be tough. Opportunity to strengthen faith, and love, and trust. Most especially opportunity to know the people who are truly concern and those who are just plain curious. They all wanna know the story, but only few will stay. The worse, after they know just a dust of everything, they leave you judged and belittled. That's the reality, though. I cannot please everybody and everyone's entitled to their own opinion and analysis of the matter. It's their opportunity to feel good about themselves, sadly at the expense of others.  Have fun, suit yourself. And if you may just be wondering how we are getting by? I'll leave that to your imagination. You're good at making stories at your head, anyway. But just so you know, my Man is great. :p

So before this year officially ends, 2011, I thank you for being good to me after all. Thank you for making me realize what I truly want in life and how to start making them happen. Thank you for showing me who are the people worth keeping and trusting.  Most especially, thank you for being the year that I had Amber.Thank you for such a wonderful ride! Cheers! 

For all of you who takes time to read my posts and have no idea as to what I am blabbering about, here:

Meet Amber Brielle, my daughter. ^^

How was your 2011? I wanna know. I hope they're as colorful as mine.
Bisou,
Raine

Can't Wait!

Two things I look forward to 2012:

GOSSIP GIRL Season 5 Episode 11
If you are following me on twitter, you might have read all my rantings about Gossip Girl every now and then. If it's still not obvious yet, I am such a fan. I have never been like this to any series other than One Tree Hill, to which our affair only lasted for few months because when we transferred to bicol, the cable operator doesn't offer ETC! Plus I stayed in a boarding house for most of my college years, which happens to only have two channels on the tube.  I only get to watch it on rare opportunities, like vacations, etc. Imagine my dismay. But that's another story. Back to Gossip Girl. I am so in love with this series that right after college I downloaded all seasons (2 to 4)  that I have missed during school and watched it all day everyday! I even felt brokenhearted the moment I am done with all of it. It pains me to wait one week to know what's going to happen next! 

My favorite character? I love all of them. From lonely boy, Dan to Serena, Nate, even Rufus and Lily! But what is Gossip Girl without Chuck and Blair? OMG (Okay, calm down). I am outright in love with these two and their ever complicated love story!! Season 4 closed with a blurry path to a happy ending for them and as the latest season opened, all the fans of this pair is still at hang. Whether the baby Blair is carrying truly Louis' or Chuck's, it doesn't matter. What matters is that Blair and Chuck remains together. Forever. Ehhhhhhhh~cheeeez!LOL. And as the season nears its end, we still wonder about the future of these two. Episode 10, the last for this year left us clueless of Chuck and Blair's fate as it closed on a car accident scene. Will they survive (OMG)? So I searched for something that will calm me down. I think I will be crossing my fingers until the 16th of January next year wishing Chuck stays alive. OMG, why do they have do this? Make us wait this long? Sigh. 

*Sorry for all the OMGs. hahaha. I bet you can tell I'm still hyped up about this whole thing. I just can't seem to calm down. And sorry for having to say so much! I just love this series to bits. :)

GAME OF THRONES Season 2:  Cold Winds opens April 2012.
Season 1 is so bitin for me and I can't wait for the next ones! I still haven't read the book so I really look forward to watching how the story unfolds. Not much ramblings in here, though. I'll let the teaser speaks for itself.

This is surely going to be another rollercoaster ride! A season full of twists and turns, betrayal and revelations. Jeeez. :)

It's brimming in a rush leaving me in a drown.

This morning I woke up with a heavy heart. I was trying to recall the dream that brought me to such a bad start but with no luck at all. No, it wasn't waking up at the wrong side of the bed. I am not at the bottom end of my mood. The feeling was different. It was more like waking up after a break up. Or waking up knowing you have nothing good to look forward to for the day. I know I dreamed something last night. It has to be the reason why but I guess all hopes to remember it eluded me the moment I opened my eyes. It was just a dream, though. But the dream fades. the feeling not. 

You know what they say about dreams. You dream what you think of the most. Or what haunts you. Fears. Doubts. Desires. Wish fulfillment. Everything in our unconscious mind. I'm not gonna discuss dreams in the point of view of Psychology cause that would involve jargon not much familiar to all. And complicated, not to mention. All I'm saying is that I never felt this in ages. There are times when I would wonder whether I am still having dreams because the moment I open my eyes from slumber, I don't remember having any. Not even a single one from the several we have every night. This leads me to this: 

"According to Freud, the reason you struggle to remember your dreams, is because the superego is at work. It is doing its work by protecting the conscious mind from disturbing images  and desires conjures by the unconscious (Dream Moods, 2011)."

So does that mean my dreams (or those in my unconscious) is too unpleasant and troubling for me to even remember just one? I may not have recalled what exactly made me feel such but the feeling would precisely speak for itself. I've been thinking too much lately and last night was no exception. I tire my mind (and heart) too much that it came back to me in dreams that are, maybe, too unsettling to be even entertained consciously. Oh well. 

Did I bore you with all these? It's kind of complicated talking about dreams but I find it so interesting and entertaining at the same time. There's just too much complexities going on with our minds and dreams are just proofs to that. This is one of the perks of studying Psychology, you know. You will never ran out of clients, you always have yourself to see. 

*wink xx

Current Read: The Condition

The Condition tells the story of the McKotches, a proper New England family that comes apart during one fateful summer. The year is 1976, and the family- Frank McKotch, an emminent scientist; his pedigreed wife, Paulette; and their three beautiful children-has embarked on its annual vacation at the Captain's House, a grand old family retreat on Cape Cod. one day on the beach, Frank is strucked by an image he cannot forget: his thirteen-year-old daughter, Gwen, strangely infantile in her child-sized bikini, standing a full head shorter than her younger cousin, Charlotte. At that moment he knows a truth that he can never again unknow- something is terribly wrong with his only daughter. The McKotch family will never be the same.

Compassionate yet unflinchingly honest, witty and almost painfully astute, The Condition explores the power of family mythologies-the self-delusions, denials, and inescapable truths that forever binds fathers, mothers and siblings.  

I bought this book almost a year ago already and only now that I find the time to reunite with it. I had this during one of my usual trips to bookstores, mindlessly browsing for books I do not really intend to buy but just to kill time. When I saw this and read the synopsis, I thought it was interesting (stories involving unusual physiological and psychological conditions and the web of life surrounding it appeals to me much than I expect). Without second thoughts I bought it forgetting that I am currently writing my thesis and reading related literature is far more productive than spending time with this. Lucky me I was still able to accommodate more or less the first 50 pages before I finally set it aside. Thank goodness for the luxury of time I have now. I am able to give my imagination its daily dose of creative and happy exercise. 

You may want to check this book, too. I am not done with it yet but all I can say it that so far it is moving and insightful. 

Bisou, xx

Christmas Wishlist

Christmas is just two blocks away, can you believe it? And in a month's time we'll all make noise and celebrate my birthday! CHOS. haha, NEW YEAR, of course :). Though the weather doesn't seem to cooperate in helping  the Christmas spirit to reach us  (isn't just too hot still, like summer?), I still manage to put up my best attitude and welcome the season of celebrations. Aside from the fact that this is the season for merry making, parties, foodies and of course Jesus' birthday, this is my favorite because we also celebrate two birthdays in the family, my brother's and mine. So it's really something I look forward every year because its the time of giftssssssss! 

If you ask me if I get a separate gift for Christmas and my birthday, the answer is sometimes yes, sometimes no. It depends on the gift they give me. Because you see, sometimes I don't get the element of surprise anymore. They would usually ask me what I want and that's what I get come the exchange of gifts. So if I asked for something a little pricey, that counts as a birthday present too. You get the idea? 

Well I have to see it this year because so far, only my mom had asked me what I want for Christmas. My brothers are mum. So either they are not planning to give me any or they still hadn't have the time to shop yet, I maybe have to not expect. But then again, I am such a masochist that I torture myself by spending the whole day browsing for lustful pieces I would love to own. So whether you are generous enough to send me a gift or just browsing for ideas you could give your girl/friends, you might wanna read on and see what has got me smitten. 

 photos from Camille Co

I have been ogling wedges since just the middle of this year. I have mentioned in my previous entry why I seldom wear heels but now I wanted to give it a second chance.  Just this week I had the urge to buy one again, but I can't seem to find THAT one for me. Is it just me or you too have problems taking a pick when you finally decided to splurge? I hate it. 

Photos from the web

I wanna start being mature and try putting on real lipsticks. Lol that's absurd. But yes, I like to have one. A red matte lipstick from MAC. 

Photos from the web

OH GOSH. I always wanted to have something like this of my own. It's kind of expensive so I understand that this will take time. Better if I can buy it on my own. SOMEDAY, I promise. 

Photos from the web

I like birdcages, this kind and not the usual we see at pet stores nowadays. I would love to have one like this in my room. Or maybe I can do it myself. I just find it utterly cute and dainty. 

Photos from the web

another OH GOSH. There's something about vintage vibe that I'm crazy about and this is no exception.  Again, SOMEDAY. For now, I may dream and just have to settle for this

:)

Photo from the web

Photo from the web

Bags with prints like this (don't be literal). 

Photo from the web

So  my Polaroid camera wouldn't be lonely anymore. 

Photos from the web

Journals are my weakness. I can hoard hundreds of them! 

Photo from the web

I still don't have them and I'm dying to start reading! Add the fifth hardbound copy of A Dance with Dragons. 

I'm not that hard to please, am I not? As much as I want to continue I have to stop now because the list goes on forever. These are just some of what I am currently lusting about and would really want to receive this Christmas, well I know the OH GOSH things are quite impossible though. I still included them because who knows, Santa maybe reading blogs too and decide to give me the best gift!hahaha, Dream on. 

However, know that I am just being cute and shallow here but of course little things matter the most. The fact that it's Amber's first Christmas and my first with my family makes it just as twice the blessing. Gifts are just there to add to the fun but what really makes Christmas worth anticipating is the gift of having to celebrate it with your loved ones and be grateful of all the graces you received as the year slowly folds. Don't you just love how Christmas brings everyone together? So as you think of what present you may give to your family, remember that thoughts really are the ones that linger, not the tangible ones with price tags.

Happy shopping! :)

Bisou xx