Few nights ago, I felt a little productive so I gathered all my stuffed boxes in the thought of arranging them. I have been seeing them stacked in one corner of another room in the house collecting dusts and spider webs. I promised myself that one of these days I will put them in a more justified place, secured and worthy for the memories they hold. Yes, you’ve got it right. Inside are decades of memories encapsulated on letters, doodles, scribbles and pictures.
I did not intend to reread all of them and get so mushy all over again. All I wanted was to sort them, see what are really worth keeping and what are good to be discarded.
Looks like a real mess, huh? Excuse the Sugo peanut wrappers in the photo. I was snacking on them as I rummage old letters I get to keep for I don’t know, remembrance? It sounds so high school isn’t it? It is maybe because most of these letters are from the people in my elementary to high school days and few are from my early years in college. Some are nonsensical, more like just a piece of scrap for which I cannot remember the real purpose of. Some however are truly for keeps.
Then I wondered. How do we say if it is to stay on that memory box of ours or good to go already?
Minutes later I found myself smiling, sighing and oh well, feeling a bit of sentimental. As I read some of them I can clearly look back at how the sender and I used to talk or how we used to be when we were still together. I saw myself back then. It’s funny how this moment brought back multitude of memories, emotions and feelings. By the looks of the penmanship, the organization of thoughts and the emotion accompanying every word written whether on stationery, card or just a plain teared page of a notebook it reminded me of who I was 10, 5 or 3 years ago. I even found the letter my family wrote me for my senior retreat back in high school. I read it again and realized it was just what I needed at the moment. So inspiring.
It was fun reading some of them. I was reminded of how I was loved and cared for by those people whom at some point in my life became significant to me. Friends, family and other special people whom I shared a chunk of my life, big or small it doesn’t really matter. But as I close the last box, I was left a little melancholic. I think that’s really what happens to you if you open yourself to your past once again. Either some of those people who sends those letters are gone or are no longer a part of your present, reminiscing over what has transpired will always pinch your heart.
So why do we keep them anyway? What’s the use of those old letters hidden at the darkest corner of your closet? It reminds you of how it didn’t work out. It tells you how shallow you were. It screams at how stupid you are that you didn’t do what you must have done. But it was those things that set you up straight today, right? It was those sad realizations that you get after reading each words that helped you grasp that you couldn’t have gotten any better than you are now, isn’t it? It’s now part of the past. And no matter how a tinge of regret you may feel, it’ll always be a liberating feeling how you emerged to be the person you are today from the person you were back then. It’s like turning the pages of your biography backwards. It gives you a glimpse of how colourful it all went. So what if you feel a little sad? Who cares if you ask yourself the ultimate question again, “what if...?”
All I’m saying is that there is nothing wrong in keeping letters no matter how seemingly unimportant they are in your present. They are a part of who you are. And the roller coaster of emotions you put self into every time you read some of them? They’re natural. Does it not feel nice to reminisce over a petty fight you had with your best friend back in elementary and how she said sorry to you through that Garfield stationery? How about reading again how your first crush wrote you a crappy letter saying he wants to be friends? Or that set of letters your “first love” sent you? These may all sound cheesy but hey, it feels good to relive those moments right? Especially now that it’s not anymore “cool” to send letters since we already have various social networking sites. Aren’t you proud that you were able to experience those exchanges of letters before it get phased out?
Ahhh...memories.
That night I missed a lot of people.
So why don’t you visit that old box of yours and have a quick pull of your past. You never know what emotions it’ll bring to you. Happy reading! J
P.S.
I intentionally used my phone’s camera for a low resolution output. I don’t want you reading who it were all from nor what it says. J
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