It's brimming in a rush leaving me in a drown.

This morning I woke up with a heavy heart. I was trying to recall the dream that brought me to such a bad start but with no luck at all. No, it wasn't waking up at the wrong side of the bed. I am not at the bottom end of my mood. The feeling was different. It was more like waking up after a break up. Or waking up knowing you have nothing good to look forward to for the day. I know I dreamed something last night. It has to be the reason why but I guess all hopes to remember it eluded me the moment I opened my eyes. It was just a dream, though. But the dream fades. the feeling not. 

You know what they say about dreams. You dream what you think of the most. Or what haunts you. Fears. Doubts. Desires. Wish fulfillment. Everything in our unconscious mind. I'm not gonna discuss dreams in the point of view of Psychology cause that would involve jargon not much familiar to all. And complicated, not to mention. All I'm saying is that I never felt this in ages. There are times when I would wonder whether I am still having dreams because the moment I open my eyes from slumber, I don't remember having any. Not even a single one from the several we have every night. This leads me to this: 

"According to Freud, the reason you struggle to remember your dreams, is because the superego is at work. It is doing its work by protecting the conscious mind from disturbing images  and desires conjures by the unconscious (Dream Moods, 2011)."

So does that mean my dreams (or those in my unconscious) is too unpleasant and troubling for me to even remember just one? I may not have recalled what exactly made me feel such but the feeling would precisely speak for itself. I've been thinking too much lately and last night was no exception. I tire my mind (and heart) too much that it came back to me in dreams that are, maybe, too unsettling to be even entertained consciously. Oh well. 

Did I bore you with all these? It's kind of complicated talking about dreams but I find it so interesting and entertaining at the same time. There's just too much complexities going on with our minds and dreams are just proofs to that. This is one of the perks of studying Psychology, you know. You will never ran out of clients, you always have yourself to see. 

*wink xx

Current Read: The Condition

The Condition tells the story of the McKotches, a proper New England family that comes apart during one fateful summer. The year is 1976, and the family- Frank McKotch, an emminent scientist; his pedigreed wife, Paulette; and their three beautiful children-has embarked on its annual vacation at the Captain's House, a grand old family retreat on Cape Cod. one day on the beach, Frank is strucked by an image he cannot forget: his thirteen-year-old daughter, Gwen, strangely infantile in her child-sized bikini, standing a full head shorter than her younger cousin, Charlotte. At that moment he knows a truth that he can never again unknow- something is terribly wrong with his only daughter. The McKotch family will never be the same.

Compassionate yet unflinchingly honest, witty and almost painfully astute, The Condition explores the power of family mythologies-the self-delusions, denials, and inescapable truths that forever binds fathers, mothers and siblings.  

I bought this book almost a year ago already and only now that I find the time to reunite with it. I had this during one of my usual trips to bookstores, mindlessly browsing for books I do not really intend to buy but just to kill time. When I saw this and read the synopsis, I thought it was interesting (stories involving unusual physiological and psychological conditions and the web of life surrounding it appeals to me much than I expect). Without second thoughts I bought it forgetting that I am currently writing my thesis and reading related literature is far more productive than spending time with this. Lucky me I was still able to accommodate more or less the first 50 pages before I finally set it aside. Thank goodness for the luxury of time I have now. I am able to give my imagination its daily dose of creative and happy exercise. 

You may want to check this book, too. I am not done with it yet but all I can say it that so far it is moving and insightful. 

Bisou, xx

Christmas Wishlist

Christmas is just two blocks away, can you believe it? And in a month's time we'll all make noise and celebrate my birthday! CHOS. haha, NEW YEAR, of course :). Though the weather doesn't seem to cooperate in helping  the Christmas spirit to reach us  (isn't just too hot still, like summer?), I still manage to put up my best attitude and welcome the season of celebrations. Aside from the fact that this is the season for merry making, parties, foodies and of course Jesus' birthday, this is my favorite because we also celebrate two birthdays in the family, my brother's and mine. So it's really something I look forward every year because its the time of giftssssssss! 

If you ask me if I get a separate gift for Christmas and my birthday, the answer is sometimes yes, sometimes no. It depends on the gift they give me. Because you see, sometimes I don't get the element of surprise anymore. They would usually ask me what I want and that's what I get come the exchange of gifts. So if I asked for something a little pricey, that counts as a birthday present too. You get the idea? 

Well I have to see it this year because so far, only my mom had asked me what I want for Christmas. My brothers are mum. So either they are not planning to give me any or they still hadn't have the time to shop yet, I maybe have to not expect. But then again, I am such a masochist that I torture myself by spending the whole day browsing for lustful pieces I would love to own. So whether you are generous enough to send me a gift or just browsing for ideas you could give your girl/friends, you might wanna read on and see what has got me smitten. 

 photos from Camille Co

I have been ogling wedges since just the middle of this year. I have mentioned in my previous entry why I seldom wear heels but now I wanted to give it a second chance.  Just this week I had the urge to buy one again, but I can't seem to find THAT one for me. Is it just me or you too have problems taking a pick when you finally decided to splurge? I hate it. 

Photos from the web

I wanna start being mature and try putting on real lipsticks. Lol that's absurd. But yes, I like to have one. A red matte lipstick from MAC. 

Photos from the web

OH GOSH. I always wanted to have something like this of my own. It's kind of expensive so I understand that this will take time. Better if I can buy it on my own. SOMEDAY, I promise. 

Photos from the web

I like birdcages, this kind and not the usual we see at pet stores nowadays. I would love to have one like this in my room. Or maybe I can do it myself. I just find it utterly cute and dainty. 

Photos from the web

another OH GOSH. There's something about vintage vibe that I'm crazy about and this is no exception.  Again, SOMEDAY. For now, I may dream and just have to settle for this

:)

Photo from the web

Photo from the web

Bags with prints like this (don't be literal). 

Photo from the web

So  my Polaroid camera wouldn't be lonely anymore. 

Photos from the web

Journals are my weakness. I can hoard hundreds of them! 

Photo from the web

I still don't have them and I'm dying to start reading! Add the fifth hardbound copy of A Dance with Dragons. 

I'm not that hard to please, am I not? As much as I want to continue I have to stop now because the list goes on forever. These are just some of what I am currently lusting about and would really want to receive this Christmas, well I know the OH GOSH things are quite impossible though. I still included them because who knows, Santa maybe reading blogs too and decide to give me the best gift!hahaha, Dream on. 

However, know that I am just being cute and shallow here but of course little things matter the most. The fact that it's Amber's first Christmas and my first with my family makes it just as twice the blessing. Gifts are just there to add to the fun but what really makes Christmas worth anticipating is the gift of having to celebrate it with your loved ones and be grateful of all the graces you received as the year slowly folds. Don't you just love how Christmas brings everyone together? So as you think of what present you may give to your family, remember that thoughts really are the ones that linger, not the tangible ones with price tags.

Happy shopping! :)

Bisou xx

New Favorite!

Hey, how was your day? I hope you had a great Saturday cause I just had one. There were this and that and more but what made it extra ordinary is that I've got to spend it with someone I care about so much. Nothing fancy, just the usual things we enjoy doing together. Pardon the cheesy air in this entry, it's still my day so just deal with it. It only happen once a year so give it to me. Heeee~

You may have (or haven't) read my Serenitea blab in here and know that I have been craving for it almost every now and then since the first time tried it.  Because of the recent leap of tea businesses  in our country, I make it a point to try every tea hub I see, well except Chatime and Gong Cha (they just don't appeal to me at all, sarreeeh). So there is this small tea house within the neighborhood and I've been eyeing it for months already. Despite its close proximity to where I live, I just can't seem to have a time (or guts) to visit it. I happen to get attracted by its name (I really am fond of businesses with creative names, maybe that's why Chatime and Gong Cha doesn't attract me-heee).

And today, I was finally able to give it a try! Friends, welcome to

I ordered Nirvana which was recommended for first timers. It's like Wintermelon of Serenitea but I think it tastes better, sweeter.  Jay, on the other hand chose Creme Brulee. I told you, his orders always taste better than mine. Creme Brulee tastes chocolatey and caramel-ish. I like it and will order it the next time! I will definitely be back. I am not sure if bon appeTEA has other branches but thank God there's one near where I live so I don't have to feel bad when I crave for milk teas anytime of the day. :)

It's located at Doña Soledad Avenue, Betterliving, Parañaque City. Just before BDO Betterliving. So if you're just around the corner, visit them and give it a try. :)

Bisou!

Today I slouch in my bed with my laptop on my lap trying to make something insightfully sweet. I have been attempting to do this for days now but failed due to quite a number of distractions. And, okay...laziness. But I really wanted to write this up, this person deserves effort and yes, attention.

Remembering how we met, how it progressed day after day, how it vanished and how it resumed will always give me the feeling of gratefulness. What we have is no ordinary story. Like everybody else’s, ours is unique.  God knows what we’ve been through all these years and what more awaits us in the future. But I guess that’s exactly how it occurred to me that indeed, I made the right decision to love this man. 

He’s not perfect. Neither do I. Admittedly, I could have asked for more but I definitely wouldn’t. Sure he’s not like that and this but he is more than those. I know and I feel. For what we’ve had and what we’ve been through, for who he is and how are we together; by any chance I will always choose him. For three years I have been asking myself what’s on him that freed me from a weird repulsion over having a relationship. I am far from certainty but this I can assume: he's a family. For all those times when I had no family around in a place that is foreign to me, he was there to make me feel at home. Sure, there were others but he's just different. He give me the kind of feeling that is indescribable. Cliche, I know. But that's just how it is. He's home to me. I felt no stranger in him. 

People may question me about him but they will never understand and never will I give them the dignity of an explanation. He knows how much it irritates me hearing  other people talk shit about him and treat him not so well and he just let them be. Be it a joke or not, it's not fair. I've been wanting to get this out and here's my opportunity. 

This is to those who judge, question and doubt you but you call them friends anyway. I love you and they can just shut the fuck up. I just wish they know how wonderful of a person you are, no bias there. They can say anything they want but they will never understand how happy I am with you. Every body else could turn their back on you but not me. Not Amber. We will always be proud of you. 

Ha.

And to you whose patience is constantly being put to test by my temper and tantrums, thank you.  I can be the most difficult person in the world to deal with but you stay still. It means a lot. For everything that has happened, you just proved to me and to everybody else how true of a man you are. For standing up, for absorbing everything I cannot hold anymore, for being there with me at the edge of life. I could never imagine any other person to share all these but with you.

Happy Anniversary!

I love you. Always.

Current Read: THIS IS A CRAZY PLANETS

by Lourd de Veyra

This is a good read. Timely, hilarious and direct to the point. A collection of essays from his SPOT.ph blog. I can quote hundreds of parinig from this book. Well written! Give it a try, you'll like it. 

So it's 11-11-11

First and foremost, I am not a fan of 11:11 nor one of those who are musing nonstop about the date yesterday (11/11/11). I, too wonder what's so special about it aside from the fact that it is 11-11-11 literally.Well, credit to tumblr I was fed by the idea that you are supposed to make a wish whenever you catch the clock strikes 11:11. The science behind it? Clueless, I am. Nonetheless, let me share the same feeling with those people who went extra mile and effort in celebrating such a date. 

In 7 days, Jay and I marks 3 years of being together. We were thinking of something we could do to make it more special sans the usual things we do like dinning out, movies, etc. We (or I for that matter) actually have a bucket list in mind. Things that we promise to do/ try/ experience together. Having crossed out some of the options from that list that we love to do this year but are not too possible, I finally considered watching a concert. I browsed the ever reliable net for schedules near our day and voila!

Side A is a childhood memory. I would listen to my brothers' Cassette tape and CD of their album and totally enjoy their music. I thought this is a perfect way to spend the day and count as a pre-anniversary date. Though it wasn't shown on our exact day we didn't mind. It does not matter when even ordinary day is special when you are together. Chos. hahaha. Baduy. 

Moving on to the concert proper. Man, was I so amazed. Sorry first timer ako. hahaha. It was both our first time to see a concert so that was really something. The show started more than an hour late. Good thing that Banchetto thing didn't push through or else we wouldn't catch it. It was so hair-raising hearing Joey of Side A and Martin Nievera's voice live! I swear I kept on biting my lips (I tend to do that when I get so amazed I can't do anything about it)! I ready my phone to record some of my favorite songs being sang live! OMG lang the voice talaga.

Good decision to record this part! Medley of my favorites! Goosebumps all the way!

Anne Curtis and Sara Genronimo were the guests as they all celebrate the 30th anniversary of ViVa. Anne made a duet with Joey and it was hilarious! She's so pretty, anyway. hahaha. Sara singing Someone Like You by Adele was definitely a hit. The girl is undeniably vocally blessed. 

During the latter part of the show it became upbeat. Singing songs of Pitbull, Maroon 5 and others while asking everybody to get up and dance! So others thought it's the end. I was kind of disappointed because they haven't sang Forevermore yet and I have been looking forward to it the whole time. I was still hoping they would switch to mellow again and that that is how they are going to end it. Man, I swear I got over kilig when the lights went dark again and Jay told me "O, ayan na." I am slow at music, you know. No matter how much I love a song I don't get familiar with their intros so I didn't recognize it. Jay still has to tap me and remind me this is what I have been waiting for. Grrrr. I don't sing, not when there are people around nor even with Jay but OMG I can't help it. I could melt, seriously. 

Infinite. 

It was such a lovely night. 11-11-11 indeed was a special day. Thank you, Buds!hihihi

And what a better way to end it? Through this, of course: 

Hahaha. I haven't tried this since I was one-digit old. 

How did your 11-11-11 go? Hope you had a blast too! 

Bisou,

Raine